Learning to care for my father

  • Iqbal Bin Rashid
  • 4 Mins Watch
  • 12 Oct 2022

I’m the primary caretaker for my elderly father. He had a mild stroke and couldn’t stand on his own after. Knowing his size and weight, I knew my mum couldn’t physically carry and transfer him. I was very worried and told myself that I needed to be there for them. I left my job and started caring for him at home.

Growing closer to my father

Now that I am spending more time with him, we’ve grown closer and I’ve got to know him better. Even so, it can be challenging to care for him both physically and mentally. I start by changing his diapers at 6am so he can do his morning prayers, shower him and help him with his toileting. He is usually in bed by 10pm.

There was once when my father fell when we were getting ready to go out. He was impatient and pushed his wheelchair backwards, not knowing there’s a step behind. He fell backwards and hit his head. I was putting on my pants on halfway when it happened and rushed to him with my pants not up. I was panicked and angry. Thank god he was fine.

Need to take care of myself

I was facing burnout after a while as I was running my business at the same time as caring for him. There were so many things going and with my father, timing was critical as I had to be home at specific times to help him with toileting, changing diapers and transferring him.

We hired a caregiver initially but stopped after 2 years when we realized we could manage without the extra help. My advice is to develop patience and sensitivity to the person you’re caring for. Initially, I had to learn to manage my emotions through all the challenges.

Try to have extra help or support too, like having someone to assist my father when I was not around. For me, I have my mum to back me up whenever I had to leave my father.

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