Learning to cope as a caregiver

  • Zahid
  • 4 Mins Watch
  • 31 May 2022

My mother first experienced a mild stroke in 2003, where she had a fall and had to be hospitalized for a month. Subsequently in 2013, we noticed that she started to become more forgetful but we were not sure if it was dementia. She kept insisting on wanting to go home when she was already home. She was later admitted to the hospital in 2013 due to bird flu, and it was there that she was diagnosed to have early stage of dementia by the doctors.

I was feeling lost and unsure of how to take care of her as I didn’t have the relevant knowledge and skills to be sure that I was taking good care of her. Thankfully, the doctors were a great help during that period as I consulted them constantly about my mum’s condition.

I had to be more patient with her as she does things very slowly as she takes a lot of time to process stuff. She couldn’t take in solid foods and thickener has to be applied to her food. She also chews slowly and I have to be very patient in feeding her as she takes a long time to finish her food.

There was once when I was working and my sister was at home taking care of our mum. I received a phone call from my sister saying that our mum fell down near the toilet and my sister didn’t have the strength to carry her back up to the bed. My mum had to sit against the toilet door while waiting for me to rush home.

I had to sacrifice a lot of my personal time as I needed to prioritize my mum’s wellbeing. After work, I will head straight home to take care of her. During her medical appointments, I also have to be the one accompanying my mum there as my sister does not have the strength to transfer my mum from the wheelchair to our transport (taxis). I was also feeling the caregiver burnout as all my attention was focused on taking care of my mum, with little to no personal time for myself. However, I was ok with it as I was taking care of my mum, my loved one.

Getting some needed support

Thankfully, I have supportive neighbours who are there to help us. When I need to bring my mum out for appointments, we would require a ramp to be placed at the stairs to move her. My neighbour actually offered us the ramp that they were previously using so that we are able to bring our mum out. I was also constantly in contact with my mum’s doctor to ensure that I was aware with my mum’s condition and was able to provide the best possible care for her.

Even if you have a helper at home, you cannot rely on the helper to handle everything as it will be too much for the helper. All family members should be actively involved in taking care of your loved ones to understand their condition better and also to avoid caregiver burnout. You have to be very patient with their condition, as you won’t know how the situation will unfold. If you’re unsure of anything, always consult the professionals (therapists, doctors). Sacrifice (adjust your routine) your time, and understand that you will not be able to enjoy the life you used to enjoy prior to taking care of them.

However, I would not change anything as I have done my best in taking care of her to the best of my abilities.

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